It'll pass, like they all do

Life is a delicate balance between opposites - you can't have too much or too little of anything; you can't have too much or too little of perspectives; and you can't have too much or too little of change. Too little of all will deprive you and too much of all can wear you down. The paradox of it is that in striving to achieve that balance itself, can deprive AND wear you down. Years from now when you read this Ian, you'll know there were times mummy and daddy felt worn. Rather worn. But nothing changes - we still love and want the best for you, even if it doesn't always involve the easiest decisions to make.

Coming to 13 months and we have to seek alternative childcare arrangements for him. Thankfully he's had a good year under his grandparents' care, but it's time to move on. Everyday I'd walk a fine line and ask myself - am I doing the right thing? Am I doing what's best for him? Am I making the best decision? Some are more clear-cut but most are not. A full day childcare centre has many positive aspects, but equally negative aspects too. A nanny offers no better assurances, let alone a maid. Maybe my brother is right - without priorities, we go round in circles, never getting anywhere. The circle keeps getting bigger, and harder to keep in place.

We don't always have the luxury of time, but things could be worse. We don't always make the right choices, but unlike others we still have limited options. I feel like I'm abandoning him, but he may relish the freedom. I wish we could escape to a new world, but I may never find the courage to. If only things wouldn't change so often, but then otherwise we wouldn't have gained what we have today.

I'm worn, but it'll pass like they all do.