Reflections...

My significant other remarked to me just over the weekend, that he's never been more tired, but he's also never been happier. And behind these words lies many recollections of days past, of milestones achieved, and many many emotions that can't be put into words.

Making decisions has also never been more difficult. What could have been decided upon previously without batting an eyelid is now subjected to so many conflicting issues, it's so much easier not having to make the decision at all. As it is, my lovely home is only stayed in on weekends, and any decision made to travel or do anything at all involves thinking about all the possible reasons justifying that particular action, and projecting what are the possible ramifications that could occur. I think the rate in which my brain cells replenish themselves is far less than those I kill off from all these 'strategising'. No wonder I mistook WTO for WHO last week.

Just rattling a few things off my head, there's the need to childproof the house, the plan to slowly wean Ian off breastfeeding (which ironically he and I have both come to enjoy after weeks and weeks of torture), the need to re-look at our insurance coverages, institute a savings plan for him...and possibly the worse, make a decision about my career. For someone who has only been in the workforce the past 6 years, my career hasn't really taken off (then again it didn't crash so that's a good thing), and I found myself wondering if I could ever bring it up to greater heights. Now with Ian, the dilemma is even greater should a work opportunity arise but would mean less time spent with him. Is being there to see his first step more important than career progression and bringing home more disposable income? I so dislike crossroads.

Sometimes I feel like a string that's always taut, being pulled in many directions. And that time is a elusive commodity that I can never get enough of. As much as I am happy and grateful with what I have I also feel sad over the loss of personal time, of time with Kenneth, of time with my parents and family, of time with friends, precious time of which I have traded in exchange for financial security and to some extent a sense of self-actualization; yet without them will also not do. Maybe the solution is to keep re-learning how to better manage my time with every stage in life, and to just try my best.

Is that enough though? Only time will tell.