Kiddo-phobia

It's a new week again, and almost Week 10 for Sweet Pea. Last night I got round to thinking about change, and suddenly I got hit with a bout of paranoia that came with the realisation just how immense this one can potentially be. What if we can't cope with the baby? What if I can't adapt to the new lifestyle? What if there's no one capable enough around to help? Will I get depressed? Will I love the child without any resentment whatsoever? It was choking, and difficult to breathe.

Guru Kenneth's response - "We'll find a way to cope no matter what." But I felt hardly assured really.

I know of couples or individuals who have either sworn off ever having children, or get really edgy when the topic comes up. Conceded, the lifelong responsibilities of raising children can sometimes be so overwhelming, it triggers a big fear inherent particularly in our generation - the loss of freedom. While an 'independence' champion such as I can identify with it, I also know the thought of not ever having a child of our own seems like a choice I would end up regretting in the end. I'm already started to think of opportunities we could provide for them, and the approach in which we should be raising them. Perhaps what I selfishly yearn for in 30 years to come, is the sense of accomplishment that we've tried our best and that they can well in turn pass it on. That I've come to realise, is the recognition I really want to earn in my life.

And it'll be really gratifying if one of them ends up being a doctor, and another plays me one of my favourite piano pieces... but yes, let me get over the phobia first.