Sweet Pea, live with a bang...

I had an interesting conversation with my client on Monday over lunch, over the topics 'what do we see ourselves doing in the next 10 years' and the life's biggest tradeoffs - 'Quality of life'. Indirectly we were addressing the inevitability of my departure down the road, but on a deeper level it also addressed the greatest dilemma I've had since starting work - do we live to work, or work to live?

I've always envied those who knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives, and not have to spend 3 or 4 years in University just to try and figure it out. Unfortunate for me, I'm still a bit of a bird, willing to go wherever life leads me. While I have been able to take all that comes my way with a certain degree of aplomb and grow more surely as a person as a result, there have been times when I wonder if I should just switch from exploring and decide on a stop. Or more aptly, start taking the active lead and not the passive approach to my life.

I still cannot overcome the inner conflict between wanting to choose a career path that reaps financial and professional rewards but at the expense of personal quality time, and one that allows me the personal space which I know makes me happy. Putting in the crazy hours abroad once made me realise how unhappy I was and just how much I valued leading such a lifestyle. Subsequent decisions have always been personal quality time as a priority, but it doesn't stop me from blaming myself sometimes for being so slack and not working hard enough to provide for the future.

I reckon it's too difficult for me to take that step for myself, because I didn't dream enough as a child. I know what I don't like, but it is hard for me to say for sure what my passion in life really is. Perhaps it's to be able to help others, but without the financial capability, it's just not practical and sensible. So when it's Sweet Pea's turn, I hope I am able to encourage him/her to dream and to develop a passion that hopefully comes along with an innate talent to be able to excel in it. I hope he/she will never have to face the dilemma of an aimless life but one that is focused and dedicated to overcoming obstacles in doing what he/she loves, for a lifetime.

And maybe in the process, I can find my own anchor, and be brave enough to take the plunge.