Excitement + Fear + Courage = Impending Motherhood

Despite looking at myself everyday, it caught us by genuine surprise when it hit home that my tummy has grown somewhat overnight. Just over Christmas it seemed more of a honeydew, and now it looks and feels like a watermelon. That's what the comfort of the 2nd trimester does to you - it makes you actually enjoy being pregnant and forget the anxieties for a while, even have enough humour to see the lighter side of things. Apart from collecting crumbs and sauce stains, for the first time I can support a soup bowl with my tummy! Look ma, no hands, no hands!

Though the broken sleep, slackened agility (i.e. greater clumsiness) and increasing loss of appetite once more marks the passing of the 2nd into the 3rd, I am starting to feel a hodgepodge of emotions within me. Upon reflection, I have progressed from the initial 'no it can't be!' disbelief, to 'ok this green bile juice I just spewed is normal, I can do this' grit, through 'hey I'm starting to enjoy this' honeymoon, to arrive at 'Gasp, I am going to be a mother- I hope Sweet Pea is well I am not crushing him am i?- Ok I have to walk more carefully to protect my precious son- Oh I hope breastfeeding isn't that bad- What if I can't push enough?!?!...' state. Sweet Pea and I have certainly walked longer than a mile together. To sum it succinctly, it's 30% excitement, 30% fear (of which 10% could be paranoia), 20% courage (Come ON! I've empowered myself with preggy books and I can do it!) and 20% miscellaneous (clumsiness, forgetfulness, blurness, gas...).

Above all, I'm just looking forward to cradling my precious son in my arms... sure part of that 30% fear is about not being able to adjust to a new routine and not being a good parent, compounded by the list of outstanding to-do items at the back of my brain - His birth name, his caretaker, the other 70% of his shopping list, washing his new belongings - all that does not even come close to the urge to hold him and shower him with the love and undivided attention I can muster. As the EDD date draws closer I pray that all will go smoothly, that he will be well and healthy... That's all I want at this point really, and I hope no matter how tough my labour will be I'd be able to bear that in mind and hang on.

In the meantime, I am weighing 67.5 kg, and very certain Doc Tan's gonna bite my head off during next week's visit. I am 10 kilos heavier than I was 6 months ago and although I know I have a target total of 15kg she'll never believe the incredible amount of self-restraint I have put myself through. Seriously.